Pony SCP Proposals

Joseph Raszagal
Wallet After Summer Sale -

Emily Brickenbrackle III
Okay, look, there’s only so much paperwork a stallion can subject himself to before he starts feeding everycreature carrying a file folder to 682. I’ve made this thread for SCP proposals, so please, put them here; my desk still hasn’t totally recovered its structural integrity. Seriously, it took five ponies (myself included) a total of 12 hours to cart off all of those files. Also, considering that roughly 1/5 of the documents previously complained about were submitted by myself, I will also be submitting any future SCP proposals here. Fair’s fair, after all.
 
Sincerely, Site-01 Junior Director Raszagal
 
I’ve ideas for a ton of these thought out for a while now, I just didn’t really know what to do with them =P . In the interest of keeping content (as well as laughs) flowing, ponified versions of preexisting SCP proposals as well as completely original SCP proposals are both welcome! =D
Joseph Raszagal
Wallet After Summer Sale -

Emily Brickenbrackle III
P-SCP 9001 - A Very Dapper Monocle
 
Item Description: A gold-rimmed monocle on a thin gold chain. Subjects wearing the object will begin to speak and conduct themselves in accordance with cartoonishly over-the-top Trottingham stereotypes. Phrases such as “I say!”, “good chap”, “bloody Hell”, “spot of tea”, and “mmmyes” will invariably be said while subject is under the object’s influence (Tests 1-A through 6-B have proven that subjects from Trottingham are not exempt from such effects). Additionally, subjects will actively seek out other props with which to complete the look, including but not limited to: Expensive suits, tophats, walking canes, extended cigarette holders, pocket watches, tie pins, etc.
 
Date of Recovery: 10-05-[REDACTED]
 
Location of Recovery: [REDACTED], Trottingham
 
Current Status: Site-03 storage wing.
 
Additional Notes: “Why, I never! Not since last year’s Grand Galloping Gala fiasco have I ever encountered such an uncouth ruffian!” - Dr. Hooves, in a fashion deemed much more hammy than usual
 
 
~ ~ ~
 
 
P-SCP 9110 - Nationalism, the Flag
 
Item Description: An Equestrian flag “of very fine weave”, as described by any Equestrian personnel asked to describe it. Will immediately begin to scream loudly when flown on a pole directly next to a flag belonging to any nation(s) currently opposed by the Equestrian government. Screaming effect appears to extend to any Equestrian personnel present to see the incompatible flags flown together. At exactly 12:00 AM on the 4th of July, whether currently flying or secured in storage, the flag will begin playing the Equestrian National Anthem at varying volumes (all deemed extremely high and/or uncomfortable by non-Equestrian personnel) for a period of exactly 24 hours. During this timeframe, all Equestrian citizens within a radius of 5 kilometers will feel compelled to locate and salute the nearest Equestrian flag.
 
Date of Recovery: 02-15-20??
 
Location of Recovery: Canterlot Castle, hung from a flagpole atop Turret #9
 
Current Status: Patriotic; Draped across the northern wall of a break room designated specifically for Equestrian personnel usage.
 
Additional Notes: “Equestria, FUCK YEAH! Coming again to save the motherfucking day, yeah!” - Anonymous Royal Guard
 
 
~ ~ ~
 
 
P-SCP 9934 - An Apple
 
Item Description: A single, somewhat spherical, bright red fruit that is most definitely not an apple. Although deemed completely irrelevant by Dr. Jack, the fruit does not appear to age and any attempts to destroy it result in immediate remainifestation. All attempts to convince Dr. Jack that the fruit is indeed an apple have been met with extreme violence.
 
Date of Recovery: 05-05-2018
 
Location of Recovery: Sweet Apple Acres, Ponyville
 
Current Status: Not an Apple Safe; Constantly reappearing on Dr. Jack’s office desk, even if disposed of or otherwise destroyed. Banishment attempts to the Moon and Sun were unsuccessful.
 
Additional Notes:  
“Seriously, girls, even if this thing is an apple, stop talking to her about it. The first black eye can be considered an accident. Every subsequent black eye, however… that’s just on you. Don’t come crying to me about it.” - Dr. Sparkle
 
“Even if it’s a what?” - Dr. Jack, suddenly manifesting from the shadows
 
“Nothing. Even if it’s a… nothing.” - Dr. Sparkle, visibly distressed by her forced usage of incorrect grammar
 
“That’s what I thought.” - Dr. Jack
 
 
~ ~ ~
 
 
P-SCP 9765 - “Yo, Adrian, I Did It!”
 
Item Description: A pair of red boxing gloves, well-worn and ripped in several places as though thoroughly used. When worn and used in either active combat or training, subject using them suffers from auditory hallucinations comprised entirely of sound clips from the Rocky film franchise. Following extensive testing, Dr. Pie has informed all attending research personnel that this film franchise is not native to the Equestrian Prime Universe.
 
Date of Recovery: [DATA EXPUNGED]
 
Location of Recovery: [REDACTED]’s School of Boxing, Manehattan
 
Current Status: Safe; Stored in a Site-6 containment locker.
 
Additional Notes: “I must break you.” - Dr. Pie
Joseph Raszagal
Wallet After Summer Sale -

Emily Brickenbrackle III
@Communist Starlight  
I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about. Nope, none whatsoever.
 
P-SCP 9111 - One Small Cup of Pertinent Medical Assistance
 
Item Description: One very small female batpony, standing approximately 12.7 centimeters (5 inches) tall. Subject wears an appropriately sized fabric nurse’s cap and gown, can fly (normal), and appears to possess expert-level knowledge in upwards of 20 fields of modern medicine. Despite her markedly high intellect and medical skills, subject’s behavior is best described as that of a young schoolfilly having recently ingested an unreasonably large amount of sugar. Befitting this behavior, subject appears to enjoy sugared cereal as a reward for good conduct (although her primary method for eating said cereals, by swimming in the milk with her mouth open, tends to make a bit of a mess and has resulted in several complaints lodged by janitorial staff; said complaints were then immediately filed in the nearest wastebasket).
 
Subject has displayed several anomalous abilities in regards to the consumption of another subject’s blood. Within moments of ingestion, subject can identify blood type, blood sugar level, blood alcohol level, blood platelet count, nutritional deficiencies, and other such information ordinarily ascertained through proper lab testing.
 
Due to [DATA EXPUNGED], subject is no longer permitted to attend Karaoke Night if “Alive” by Pearl Jam is on the track roster. We’re still trying to remove the mangoes embedded in the ceiling tiles in Break Room 4.
 
Date of Recovery: 05-24-2019
 
Location of Recovery: St. Luna of the Night Sky Hospital, Cloudsdale
 
Current Status: Adorable Safe; Assisting Foundation medical personnel at Site-01, Infirmary 2 (low-risk patients). Request to be made an on-call nurse for Infirmary 1 (Emergency Ward) pending.
 
Additional Notes: “What do you mean, ‘pending’? She’s saved my life, like, 30 times already! Either grant her request or you’re on 682 guard duty for the next five months!” - Site-01 Junior Director Raszagal
Joseph Raszagal
Wallet After Summer Sale -

Emily Brickenbrackle III
@Communist Starlight  
I figured it might, comrade =3 . Also, guess who’s been watching a bunch of classic Spongebob lately?
 
P-SCP 9898 - Spherical Stupidity
 
Item Description: A glass-like orb consisting of an incredibly dense unknown material, roughly the same size as an average softball. Diameter 8.9 centimeters (3.5 inches), circumference 27.9 centimeters (11 inches). Physical contact with the orb temporarily results in a drastic loss of short-term memory, loss of motor control, confusion, increased suggestibility, and highly reduced intelligent thought processes related to basic problem solving skills. Cessation of physical contact immediately removes all anomalous effects previously present in the afflicted subject.
 
Date of Recovery: 07-12-2015
 
Location of Recovery: Dragon Lands, minor quartz deposit
 
Current Status: Safe; Stored in a vault inside of another vault in Dr. Sparkle’s office.
 
Additional Notes:  
“Hey, Twilight, what does five plus five equal?” - Dr. Dash, immediately after placing the orb in Dr. Sparkle’s saddlebags using a pair of extended safety tongs
 
“Duuuuuuuuuuuh, num-nummm, pananana burr?” - Dr. Sparkle, after falling face-first onto the floor
 
 
~ ~ ~
 
 
P-SCP 9977 - A Simple Calendar
 
Item Description: A 16 month daily-planning calendar. Aside from the 12 known months of the year, three unknown months appear to have been added after the current year’s December entry and before the January entry for the following year. These three new months are as follows: Dorftember, Nibbuary, and Toyota-thon. Additionally, every week in the calendar has been extended to include two extra days, Flernsday and Nerpday. After the complete cycle of the current year, all dates will immediately change to reflect dates corresponding to the coming year.
 
Despite the addition of new months and days, the appearance of weather predictions made upon specific dates (always written in red ink with hoof-drawn flowers and hearts used to dot the i’s and j’s) have maintained an accuracy of approximately 50 percent likelihood. Weather predictions involving impossible conditions (such as humidity levels rendering the entire planet underwater), however, have always proven wildly incorrect and are thusly no longer under research scrutiny.
 
Date of Recovery: 05-04-2016
 
Location of Recovery: P.S. 115, Fillydelphia
 
Current Status: Safe; Hung from a wall in Site-16’s main cafeteria.
 
Additional Notes: “Um, Twilight? What’s a Toyota?” - Dr. Shy
 
 
~ ~ ~
 
 
P-SCP 11199 - Don’t Ask Questions
 
Item Description: A young stallion, roughly 23-years-old. Answers to the name “Allen Wrench”… to a degree. After exhaustive testing was performed over a 15 week period subject’s only anomalous property appears to be the inability to answer questions. Whenever posed a question, rather than answer subect instead appears to enter a trance-like state and begins to exhibit varying forms of anomalous behavior (see Additional Notes section for further details pertaining to attempts at questioning).
 
Date of Recovery: 01-07-2019
 
Location of Recovery: [DATA EXPUNGED]
 
Current Status: Safe; Kept comfortable in a Level 2 Low Risk containment suite at Site-4. Any and all desired questions must now be granted clearance by B-Class personnel or higher.
 
Additional Notes:
 
Dr. Sparkle: “Can you tell me your name?”  
Result: Subject begins to levitate out of his chair, slowly rotating counterclockwise in place. It should be noted that subject is an earth pony and does not appear to possess voluntarily controllable magic. Total time elapsed: 5 minutes, 35 seconds.
 
Dr. Jack: “Where’re y’all from?”  
Result: Subject begins to vibrate uncontrollably at a high enough frequency to bounce himself out of his chair and slowly hoover around the floor in seemingly random directions, still maintaining a sitting position. Vibrations also appear to result in a low level humming sound, though the sound’s point of origin is still indeterminate at this time. Total time elapsed: 10 minutes, 24 seconds.
 
Dr. Shy: “Um, if it’s alright with you, would you mind telling me when these… um… powers of yours first began to manifest?”  
Result: Subject opens his mouth and begins to emit a high volume sound similar to that of a standard fire alarm. Dr. Shy proceeds to hide under the interview table for the duration of the event. Total time elapsed: 8 minutes, 48 seconds.
 
Dr. Dash: “Do you know who I am and why you’re being interviewed?”  
Result: Subject manifested a sheet of graphing paper and a No. 2 pencil through unknown means, gripped the pencil between his teeth, and began drawing a highly detailed map of the surface of the moon. After confirming the accuracy of the map with Dr. Mond and taking into consideration the speed at which it was drawn, Dr. Dash deemed the map sufficiently awesome. Total time elapsed: 10 minutes, 19 seconds.
 
Dr. Rarity: “Darling, you simply must tell me where you purchased that adorable scarf. It matches your eyes wonderfully.”  
Subject: “Oh, this old thing? It was a gift from my grandmother. It’s my favorite scarf.”  
Result: It would appear that questions not phrased in the form of questions do not trigger subject’s anomalous behavior. Additional testing required to confirm.
 
Dr. Pie: “So, what’s up with the whole questions not phrased like questions thing not triggering all your weird spooky stuff?”  
Result: Subject’s eyes begin to glow, brightness slowly increasing over time to a maximum of 6,000 lumens before ceasing entirely. Total time elapsed: 20 minutes, 33 seconds. Dr. Pie was reprimanded for posing this particular question (however poorly posed notwithstanding) before proper clearance had been granted.
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