Posts

@Mr100dragon100
I wanted to respond to these earlier but I will now. I’ll read these.

Chapter 5
Dream Mix:Predawn

Now who should appear next between
Dash
AJ
Rarity

@Tennisball’s Eater
Took roughly 3 days for mine.

Bruh. Why does fimfiction take a long time to approve my story?

a quick question

context: elizabeth had a boyfreind before (or at least they were fine with each other and the guy seemed to like the elizabeth but let’s just say, he acts like blueblood) but was too snobbish

i got the idea that the stallion is snobbish and says bad things about the food in the pub similar to zesty gourmand but acts like blueblood when it comes to his interaction with elizabeth but what i wrote ended up being more about the pub than her so, how can i make this character affect Elizabeth and the pub (by how the food and decor looks) equally and show this character as a mix of blueblood and zesty and still be apart of how elizabeth’s life seemed to go down hill?

also should elizabeth ask about edward’s past or should she wait becuse i plan to say that edward only told about how he (and jekyll but idk if he should say anything about him or not?) lived before (he and jekyll were homeless before well they did have a house but it was left abandoned recently and they can’t afford to keep it nice) but not too much about his past yet.

but i don’t want to make it like he does not trust her but he just met her so he as well as the others would not be too sure to tell someone their life unless they have to, in this case, they would have to wait first but her knowing about edward’s and henry (jekyll)’s past will happen in the future of this story so i rather just say that he does not like to say too much due to it being sad for him (and is no lie he does not want to say too much due it being so hard for him (and jekyll) but elizabeth understands

@Cosmas-the-Explorer
maybe i can say about the boss being a bit crabby and edward ask why Elizabeth works for him and elizabteh goes on and explains how she got this job and why

but what should the boss do?
should he do something that shows his crankiness like yelling at someone?
does he say some mumble words or whatever and hyde wonders why he is so crabby?

maybe i can say he talks in a crabby way at a waiter or someone who takes away dishes after the ponies eats the food off them and hyde over hears and asks elizabeth why he is so cranky?

@Mr100dragon100
Maybe he might ask her innocently of some small talk about her past. And then she flat out rejects his offer. Being quite blint.

Maybe events from her past effecting the present could help. And she would be forced to tell him some stuff

Maybe she would trust him to reveal her story to him even if he didnt ask

since I’m going to do the writing for the next page soon here is my question

how can the conversation of the female character’s life should come up, i was thinking the male character should ask but i don’t want the idea of “bringing up bad memories” due to someone asking to happen becuse i think it might make the male character look bad so how should i make the conversation about the female character’s past happen without having to use that idea?

@Cosmas-the-Explorer
i’m sorry but alright i just don’t want to rush but I’ll do my best

@Mr100dragon100
I know we might have covered this earlier but to make sure, the latter more gradual process.

At times, when I’m writing a story, I like to make images of the main characters, both for my own reference, and to share so any readers can get a better picture of what the they look like. This is relevant because at the moment, I’m trying to design a pair of characters, and was looking for a bit of advice.
Essentially, the two characters are spirits worshipped as harvest gods, representing “nourishing soil” and “gentle rains” respectively, and I want their outfits to be evocative of that. The nourishing soil one was pretty easy to figure out, since there are plenty of earthy tones to use, but the gentle rains spirits is a bit harder to figure out. Blue seems like an obvious choice, though I don’t wanna go that route since I used blue for quite a few other characters already, but I’m not sure if grays are the right way to go. Any thoughts?

@Cosmas-the-Explorer
so i should show them having fun together by them talking together (and showing the action, you know for interest)?

all in one page or i can do those individually until the big talk scene, on the last page before the big date scene i said they had been together for 2 months or almost 3 months and both start to grow fond of each other and hyde is ready to ask her to go out on a date

I’m sorry i just want to make sure i do it right since i can get a direct answer instead of looking it up and getting answers that might not follow what i want or idk, i don’t want this to be cheesy or anything bad so i have to ask questions

@Mr100dragon100
You could show some of those specific days in November and December. And maybe have a montage to ger to the big talk scenes.

I feel like if they will talk for awhile before dating maybe we can get straight to the kiss. It might be seen as padding things out otherwise. But itbwill depend on if the story feels long already or if there is still a short period to go.

To be honest it can be tricky to decide what to do since there is really no right or wrong way. But I think the method I gave might work best.

ya, i want the relationship to develop but not take too long and idk i was thinking of doing her backstory next.

but after that should i just get right to the first date after a montage sequence (as in telling about what they did in the bar (talking, eating, doing hobbies, reading, maybe even going to a park) that kind of stuff)?

or should i do show them doing those fun things as their own pages so i can show the relationship developing and them slowly falling in love?

this happened with in November and December, i think that is plenty of time for them to develop into love but what do you think?

maybe the second choice i could add some fun stuff to it, then i do the first date but should they finally kiss on that date or should it be on a later date?

@Mr100dragon100
Maybe every day after work cam be fine now that I think about it.

Since maybe we want to get righr to doing things.

i need more votes then just one so i know what i should choose so if you want too, yo can vote on what i should do

this is based on my fanfic

@Cosmas-the-Explorer
well, the point is that more will be revealed about her soon. Still, i can add that even though she’s a prostitute due to her being smart, the job she took and maybe due to what happened to her father she takes health seriously. Hence, the knowledge and class she has is cleanliness (she also came from a middle-class family maybe) but I don’t know if she said she takes care of her health or hyde assumed she would maybe i can save it for the next part because i want the next part to be about Elizabeth, her backstory…so maybe i ask is that, how can i make a good backstory that gives Elizabeth character while still not being too long that people would get bored and want to move on?

Maybe add some wit from Elizabeth about Edward being shy? Maybe he would be awkward around her?

Maybe she would have a certain culture and knowledge and class that is appealung.

@Cosmas-the-Explorer
my problem is that i don’t want to come off as mean and i don’t think is necessary to what they said but here is a more updated version

i was hoping every day (well night really) so the love can grow but once a week is alright i guess idk

also idk what else to add here
I talked with her for a while, and we got to know each other. But when it was time to depart, I had to leave.

i want something more, as in they laughed about something funny.

something more than just that they got to know each other, i added the smiling bit thanks to another commenter.

but i want to keep info about Elizabeth for later so the readers get to know her more (like the idea that she looks like she’s in her 20s due to wanting to keep healthy) but idk, maybe Elizabeth would explain that she lives in the place she worked or maybe hinting at that because again i want to keep details about her backstory till later

good thing i tried to look for places to correct my wording and have better, excitement to the wording since this takes place in the victorian era i want the words to be more elegant but i hope it’s still ok

@Mr100dragon100
Maybe Elizabeth and Edward would meet once per week?

And maybe your scene needs more lines for your your charavters and less exposition about say the characters teasing him and just actual teasing. Maybe show he stuttered to show his nervousness. Or being hesistant.

Ps I was hoping to respomd earlier.

@Background Pony #4FBB
Should’ve added one more:
Firefly - Manic

this is a rough draft of page 1, there could be lots of mistakes and weird stuff so let me show you the story and let me point out things i wanted to convey

It was a cold November night, Edward hyde and his friends had already left the pub, with their bags of new cloaths
hanging on their sides, they were smiling and teasing Edward light-heartedly for his encounter with a prostitute mare, Dracula shook his head at the ponies at their playful behaviour, but secretly laughed as well

end page 1

things i wanted to convey

.i wanted to show Edward being shy but i want to find words that show that through next not just by saying he’s shy but with a word that shows the actions instead of telling, you know to make it more interesting

.i want to remove any unnecessary exposition but yet i want to explain what Elizabeth looks like and what happened to hyde in his previous relationship since idk if everybody read the description of the artwork that shows that and i don’t want the story to drag on if i added too much detail about what hyde and Elizabeth were talking about

.i want the conversation to match the time period (the 1890s) like the language and how they interact without making it too modern but not too complicated to read

.i want to make sure i convey hyde being curious about the idea of the relationship working but i want the text to be something well good, you know

so please help me on this because i want this to be the best love story i could do especially making the female character more than just a love interest but without having unnecessary exposition or anything that is unnecessary

also, i want hyde and Elizabeth to see each other, but how many times can it be to visit each other every night so they can hang out or every other day?

How are Pokemon moves handled in non trainer battle related fics?

@Mr100dragon100
Sounds good.

@Cosmas-the-Explorer
maybe i can just do the basic idea? idk maybe i write it down and show it shoe it here so i know if I’m doing well