Ctrl + V

The one thing I forgot to mention is, reprogramming and de-programming. (I highly doubt that’s a word, but we’re just going to roll with it, lol.) It’s like, breaking out of your old habits and going into your new habits, the problem is, it takes time and patience.

Everyone is always looking for a “quick fix,” but the thing is, you can’t heal trauma asap! That’s not how the brain works, it takes time, and sometimes there’s a lot of impatient people out there who want a quick fix. I know, I sound like I just repeated myself, but it helps out a lot–at least for me

Being self aware is a good thing because it’s one step closer of self healing and not a lot of people are ready for that. They’d rather sit on their asses all day, complain how much life sucks and do nothing about it, those people are slackers…or maybe they’re chronically depressed, I dunno. I’m not a doctor or anything

Depressive episodes, it could last for years and years, not a lot of people are aware of it because it became so normalize in the media. I dunno, why Hollywood tends to romanticize about depression? It’s not some fun fcking game, it’s depression, not monopoly.

Hollywood scumbags are the worst, lemme tell you, they tend to romanticize everything: abuse, sex, porn, love, depression, drugs and stalking. I kid you not, they think they own everything because they’re rich and fancy and the live in their 3 million dollar mansion they only visit once! Unbelievable, they said they’d “cared,” but I highly doubt that. They only care about their reputation and shit, I dunno. Maybe I’m just jealous, that’s all 😭

Okay, maybe I am jealous, just a little bit. But that’s okay, because I’m here to validate my own jealousy, no one else. It might sound crazy or barbaric, but I dunno wtf to tell you guys? Life ain’t easy, I too have some fcking issues, lol.

You could read all the notes here if you want, I’m an open book, seriously. As for fame, it’s not me, I just want to live my best life and die happily in my sleep one day. Hopefully, someone would understand my pain and not say, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know! Do you wanna hug?” And I’m like, “No, please don’t hug me, I hate being to close to people…”

I hate people pitying me, they always downplay me and my emotions. Sonuvabicth can kiss me ass and lick the hair between my infected toes, lololol

Anyway, enough of my rant, here’s some books you should read, suicide notes, running with scissors, the catcher and the rye, fahrenheit 451, 1982, brave new world, the lord of the flies, the great gatsby, and a child called it.

http://www.ilrctbay.com/upload/custom/abuse/content/abusers.htm Something interesting that caught my eye. It tells you the tale tell signs of an abuser and characteristic of an abuser too… ):

Damn, just realized I’m an abuser myself. Well, time to expose myself. I’d figure it’s a healthy decision for me, and I’m not afraid to call myself out, literally.

I too can be aggressive and mean, shit. It might take me years to heal myself, who freaking knows? Sometimes, I can be verbally, emotionally and physically abusive. It’s about time I take accountability for my actions and stop blaming everyone else for my problems because remember – you are responsible for your own trauma.

It’s not easy, let me tell you, I can’t be in a relationship, I’m too unstable and I’m afraid I might hurt others, so it’s best if I go solo.

You can judge by all means, go right ahead. I need to get my shit together and I wanted to put myself out there.

Just trying to educate others about narcissistic personality disorder, it’s a cluster b personality disorder, in fact there’s 10 types of personality disorder.

If you dive into NPD, there’s a spectrum, in fact there’s many types of narcissist: covert, overt, malignant, grandiose, sexual and many, many more 😅

I’m here to explain it because I love teaching and shit, haha. Hopefully, some people can understand it and how it works and shit

I forgot to mention, narcissists have feelings, emotions, depressive episodes, addictions and so forth and so on. They lack empathy, and maybe a soul too haha

Just kidding, they like to control others and moderate people, it’s a hassle, and I want to kill myself every day, haha. Not really, but it’s a joke

Let me tell you, narcissists are aware of some things, like…at least the one I knew, he was aware he has a problem, uh, he hates himself, he feels numb and depressed! And I have this certain “urgency” to fix him! I dunno why? Possibly a trauma bond, hmm?

Other roles play a factor too like, childhood neglect, childhood abuse, childhood trauma, abuse, sexual abuse, verbal abuse, um, unstable home, unstable relationships and so forth and so on!

I’m trying to educate myself here and there because I thrive for knowledge and shit, haha.