I figured it might, comrade =3 . Also, guess who’s been watching a bunch of classic Spongebob lately?
P-SCP 9898 - Spherical Stupidity
Item Description: A glass-like orb consisting of an incredibly dense unknown material, roughly the same size as an average softball. Diameter 8.9 centimeters (3.5 inches), circumference 27.9 centimeters (11 inches). Physical contact with the orb temporarily results in a drastic loss of short-term memory, loss of motor control, confusion, increased suggestibility, and highly reduced intelligent thought processes related to basic problem solving skills. Cessation of physical contact immediately removes all anomalous effects previously present in the afflicted subject.
Date of Recovery: 07-12-2015
Location of Recovery: Dragon Lands, minor quartz deposit
Current Status: Safe; Stored in a vault inside of another vault in Dr. Sparkle’s office.
Additional Notes:
“Hey, Twilight, what does five plus five equal?” - Dr. Dash, immediately after placing the orb in Dr. Sparkle’s saddlebags using a pair of extended safety tongs
“Duuuuuuuuuuuh, num-nummm, pananana burr?” - Dr. Sparkle, after falling face-first onto the floor
~ ~ ~
P-SCP 9977 - A Simple Calendar
Item Description: A 16 month daily-planning calendar. Aside from the 12 known months of the year, three unknown months appear to have been added after the current year’s December entry and before the January entry for the following year. These three new months are as follows: Dorftember, Nibbuary, and Toyota-thon. Additionally, every week in the calendar has been extended to include two extra days, Flernsday and Nerpday. After the complete cycle of the current year, all dates will immediately change to reflect dates corresponding to the coming year.
Despite the addition of new months and days, the appearance of weather predictions made upon specific dates (always written in red ink with hoof-drawn flowers and hearts used to dot the i’s and j’s) have maintained an accuracy of approximately 50 percent likelihood. Weather predictions involving impossible conditions (such as humidity levels rendering the entire planet underwater), however, have always proven wildly incorrect and are thusly no longer under research scrutiny.
Date of Recovery: 05-04-2016
Location of Recovery: P.S. 115, Fillydelphia
Current Status: Safe; Hung from a wall in Site-16’s main cafeteria.
Additional Notes: “Um, Twilight? What’s a Toyota?” - Dr. Shy
~ ~ ~
P-SCP 11199 - Don’t Ask Questions
Item Description: A young stallion, roughly 23-years-old. Answers to the name “Allen Wrench”… to a degree. After exhaustive testing was performed over a 15 week period subject’s only anomalous property appears to be the inability to answer questions. Whenever posed a question, rather than answer subect instead appears to enter a trance-like state and begins to exhibit varying forms of anomalous behavior (see Additional Notes section for further details pertaining to attempts at questioning).
Date of Recovery: 01-07-2019
Location of Recovery: [DATA EXPUNGED]
Current Status: Safe; Kept comfortable in a Level 2 Low Risk containment suite at Site-4. Any and all desired questions must now be granted clearance by B-Class personnel or higher.
Additional Notes:
Dr. Sparkle: “Can you tell me your name?”
Result: Subject begins to levitate out of his chair, slowly rotating counterclockwise in place. It should be noted that subject is an earth pony and does not appear to possess voluntarily controllable magic. Total time elapsed: 5 minutes, 35 seconds.
Dr. Jack: “Where’re y’all from?”
Result: Subject begins to vibrate uncontrollably at a high enough frequency to bounce himself out of his chair and slowly hoover around the floor in seemingly random directions, still maintaining a sitting position. Vibrations also appear to result in a low level humming sound, though the sound’s point of origin is still indeterminate at this time. Total time elapsed: 10 minutes, 24 seconds.
Dr. Shy: “Um, if it’s alright with you, would you mind telling me when these… um… powers of yours first began to manifest?”
Result: Subject opens his mouth and begins to emit a high volume sound similar to that of a standard fire alarm. Dr. Shy proceeds to hide under the interview table for the duration of the event. Total time elapsed: 8 minutes, 48 seconds.
Dr. Dash: “Do you know who I am and why you’re being interviewed?”
Result: Subject manifested a sheet of graphing paper and a No. 2 pencil through unknown means, gripped the pencil between his teeth, and began drawing a highly detailed map of the surface of the moon. After confirming the accuracy of the map with Dr. Mond and taking into consideration the speed at which it was drawn, Dr. Dash deemed the map sufficiently awesome. Total time elapsed: 10 minutes, 19 seconds.
Dr. Rarity: “Darling, you simply must tell me where you purchased that adorable scarf. It matches your eyes wonderfully.”
Subject: “Oh, this old thing? It was a gift from my grandmother. It’s my favorite scarf.”
Result: It would appear that questions not phrased in the form of questions do not trigger subject’s anomalous behavior. Additional testing required to confirm.
Dr. Pie: “So, what’s up with the whole questions not phrased like questions thing not triggering all your weird spooky stuff?”
Result: Subject’s eyes begin to glow, brightness slowly increasing over time to a maximum of 6,000 lumens before ceasing entirely. Total time elapsed: 20 minutes, 33 seconds. Dr. Pie was reprimanded for posing this particular question (however poorly posed notwithstanding) before proper clearance had been granted.
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